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You're charming, there's no doubt.
And the way you move your mouth, when certain words come out
confuse me.
I'm dizzy.
Look at me, crazy
Dazed
You interrupt me in so many ways
And break me down.
My head is cloudy now
I forgot what I was saying,
I keep falling further down
Now look at me, I'm crazy
convinced that I've gone mad.
On a boat off somewhere sailing
Away from solid ground
That's how you make it real
Right before I slip away
And at the end of a hard day
You'll be over me
Like the stars and the moon
Just like the stars and the moon
And, to me, it looks like Heaven
And I will rest here
until you wake me from this dream, tonight.

Junky

Your touch to me is velvet
Wrap silk ties across my chest.
Baby put me fast to sleep
Or just kill me at best
Because I don't know what I promised you
But I swore to myself
That I'd never fucking touch you again
Put you back up on the shelf.
But baby here you are again
Posing warmly at my door.
You know I can't say no to you
You pretty fucking whore
And If I swallow all these pills
I would be free, you can't touch me.
Cos If I loved you like I loved myself
I would be on earth suffering, forever.
You're touch to me is velvet
Warm water through my veins.
Winter sucks without you
I feel I've gone insane.
And I don't know what I am gonna do
About this monster that's inside
If I were to release it
There would be no place left to hide.
And If I pretend, I'm alone again
And I will go fucking mad
You look at me and you feel sad
But I got everything I need, without you!
A A A A A A A A H H H H H H H H H H H H H H!

Drugs Don't Work.

They say I'm sick
Just stay In bed.
Close your eyes.
And Just play dead.
Take your medication.
Don't give in to temptation.
You have to re-create your mind
If you want Salvation.
Is true freedom only in death?
Will I suffer til my last breath?
This needles like a gun, right?
I could do it really fast.
Fuck, they think I'm crazy.
And that's the problem with this math.
But these next 4 months are crucial.
I have to prove I am stable.
Freedom ain't that far away.
just be patient, just be able.
Get healthy at will.
self-destruct for good reason.

Freedom.

I am not a tyrant
I'm a prisoner at best
And the work that I do well for you weigh like bricks upon my chest.
It all looks very structured but it's a total fucking mess.
How will anyone survive in a system just like this?
I am not a tyrant
And I don't think I'm insane
But Thank God that He's the only one who can look into my brain.
Because sometimes it's so dark in there, It causes so much pain
If anybody knew my secrets they would go away.
But I swear I'm not that awful.
Just a little self-destructive.
I could never hurt you like I hurt myself
It's just not that productive.
Yes, I am self absorbed. And sometimes I truly love it.
Still, time is just not on my side
And all I can do now is hide.
I'm working like a masters slave
Digging everyday, my grave.
See, I am not the tyrant.
And one day I'll be free.
One day I'll be truly alone
I'll be getting what I need.

Where ya goin' with that gun in your hand?

A M A Z I N G

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The way it should be

Understanding is universal.
Lifes a big rehearsal.
What exactly comes in after?
Are we ignoring all the answers?
i'm not a mindful master
But I do know that disaster causes masses of destruction
Bomb belts strapped to your chest, Scary how you look content
perfectly okay with the plan that you have set
It's so easy to die by your own hand
It all sounds complicated, but it's easy to understand.
Because understanding is universal
Everyone is capable.
I'm not a mindful master
This shit is not racial.
We got to think culturally, relatively, universally
If we want to find out what we're meant to be
Naturally, the way it should be
I'm aware of the highs and the lows
But in the end, I got no control
Jesus at the party ain't got no control
STL ain't got no control
But this is my life, and I got mic control
Fucking man ain't got no control
God up above has no way
No chance of mic control
Everybody in this place gets real low...

Mind Control

How will things play out under these conditions?
What will I do next without permission?
Space and time won't save me, what I got
one dirty rig and a stem in my pot.
And I can't help how I feel; powerless, subjective
These thoughts are so invasive
Don't quiet feel protected
Still I'm old enough to know my right from wrong
I knew this would end badly, I knew it all along
And I'm the only one being punished for the secrets that I keep
My minds a dangerous place, It never seems to sleep
Why do we work hard for things that make us feel so cheap?
I wanna see the light but perhaps my grave is just too deep
I am wanted, always wanted.
By what some call Evil Forces
But all who died in Jesus' "rapture"
Did not come back as white horses
We all have different standards as to what we call an end
We all just want an answer, wanna descend
So Jesus, what did you do on those 3 days you were dead?
Cos I do believe this problem will last longer than the weekend.
I have reason to believe that this decisions healthy
But unfortunately, It's left up to me.
Ultimately you're your worst enemy.
But right now I just gotta believe.
Anything could kill me, just let me get what I need
What I need? A reason to bleed
I've got debts to pay and veins to feed
What I need, It's just what I need.
I'm aware of the highs and the lows.
But in the end, I got no control.

Heaven

In Heaven everything is fine.

To Everyone: I'm BLOGGING! woooo!

So for the past 3 days I have been uber sick with what I thought was a minor cold. Coughing, sneezing, and spitting up chunks of mucus in every shade of green imaginable. Attractive, right? I've even had green crap pouring out of my eyes! So yesterday I started feeling worse. ALOT worse, as in hot and cold flashes, 100.5 fever. And Ians dad convinced me to go see a doctor. I went to urgent care and the swabed my nose for the flu, which was weird. It really hurt and tickled and i did not like it AT ALL! Well it turns out that I do, in fact, have the flu and bronchitis. I had to take two breathing treatments. The whole visit fucking sucked. I was there for over 2 hours! Plus my doctor was kind of a douche. He kept making all these retarded jokes, which would have been tolerable if they made the slightest bit of sense. Oh well. On the brightside, I did get to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer the whole time I was there ; ) poor Ian. I guess the Doctor's office WASN'T the one place he could escape it! I didn't mean to make him suffer but.... Buffy was all fighting these ubervamps with her cool ninja moves, and plus spike just got his soul back and is going all crazy and....well, you get the point : ) So to top it all off I have a ton of meds to take including these steroids which i have to take SIX a day for five days. not 6 throughout the day. Six at a time! am i the only one who thinks thats insane?

OKAY guys, enjoy! Blogspot.... I am not letting you suck me in! Try, and you will FAIL! muuuhahahahaha!

K.

Under Construction.....

Right now my blog is currently under construction. Kinda like the rest of my life! So I'm kinda just playing around with everything at the moment to see what I like and what looks good. I have a gigantic, messy stack of notebooks and lyrics that i need to go through and decide what I want to share with the world. Always best expressed in a rhyme. Anyways, it will be pretty soon. I hope.